THE SEXPERTS PLUS

Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who shares your experience. The Sexperts Plus is a project for hiv positive guys who have sex with guys.

You can chat anonymously with the sexperts plus, about life, relationships, sex and safer sex. We are trained peer educators living with hiv ourselves. You can find us online at www.qruiser.com three evenings a week, our profile name is ”Sexperterna plus”. If you are online at qruiser you can find our profile HERE.

The Sexperts Plus is a collaboration between posithiva gruppen and RFSL Stockholm.

Other organisations

Many HIV positives find they need to talk to someone about their situation. You may feel this way when you first find out, or a long while later. Noaks Ark Direkt is a phone service you can call, whether or not you’re living with HIV. Call 020-78 44 40

Posithiva Gruppen offers chats and friends’ support, and organizes various events. Check out their website for more details and the latest program. Use Google Translate or similar for an English translation.

What would you like to know about sex? You can ask the Sexperts any questions about sex, safer sex, pleasure, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Everyone who writes to us will recieve a personal answer within a few days. No questions or answers will be published on this webpage, it is only you and the Sexperts who will be able to read the messages. All messeges are answered by peer educators from The Sexperts.

Remember that if you experiance symptoms of sexually transmitted infections, or if you need to talk to someone, you can click on either ”Testing/pep” or on one of the links to support in the left marigin here to find out where you can get the support needed.

Talk soon!

So, how do you make blowjobs hotter and safer? What is trans competent sex? And how do you really spell ”Gonorrhea”?

If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free to contact us here. See you around!

The prostate is like a G-spot that most guys and some trans women have in their ass. It is sometimes known as the P-spot, and it’s a gland that produces the secretion in sperm. On most guys it’s about two inches/five centimeters into the anal passage, forward toward the navel. It’s about the size of a walnut and is sensitive to touching.

It can sometimes be hard to find the prostate. The easiest way is for the lucky receiver to lie on his back with the knees drawn up to his chest and his legs apart. Spread lubricant onto one or more fingers and insert them carefully. Feel how the ass muscles are tightening and relaxing, take care and be sensitive to sounds and movements. Bend your fingers upwards slightly toward the stomach as if calling it over, and massage the prostate gently. If you’re the receiver, help out by communicating what feels good with an appreciative moan, for example.

Another slightly neglected part of the body is the perineum, the area between the anus and scrotum. Try massaging the prostate and the perineum at the same time! The giver should be in front of the lucky boy. Find the prostate with the index and middle fingers, and use your thumb to massage the perineum. This way, the prostate gets massaged from two directions. And seeing as you’ve got a dick right there in front of you, well there’s only one thing to do really…

The ass is a dwell of all kinds of pleasure. Rimming is exploring the anus with the tongue or mouth, or running the tongue between the butt cheeks. It’s also sometimes known euphemistically as ‘tossing the salad’. It can be done lightly, teasingly and playfully, or be given as a deep tongue-fuck, holding the cheeks apart for better access. It doesn’t even have to involve bodily contact: Try spitting and blowing gently, it can lead to unimagined pleasure. The great thing about rimming is the duplicity. You can lick ass to show your submission, how grateful you are to serve your master, but it’s also a way of softening up the person you’re about to screw. Regardless of how and why you do it, enjoy it.

Lick first, fuck second is a good general rule, as anal penetration can produce small cracks in the anal fissure. Licking and being licked before fucking is a great way of having safer sex, as it entails only a minor risk of passing on HIV. Washing around the anus with soap and water before rimming also reduces the risk of transmitting intestinal bacteria. Having said that, don’t let hygiene set your rules. Think about what’s important for you, what turns you on. Is a clean body the same thing as a body that smells of soap, or might there be a point in having a body that smells natural?

Before fucking a horny ass, it’s important to make sure it’s relaxed and well prepped. You can’t always just shove a cock or a dildo up an ass. Start gently with fingers, tongue or a butt plug. It’s impossible to control the sphincter (the outer ring muscle), and it often tightens slightly when something is pushed into the anus. Try pushing a finger against the hole until you feel the muscle relaxing. Because the anus has no natural lubrication, this is a good opportunity to lube it up good and proper with a water or silicon-based lubricant. Remember to communicate with your sex partner. This doesn’t mean you have to talk your way through every single stage of the process, but be sensitive to sounds and signals that what you’re doing is a turn-on or a turn-off. Some people prefer soft, slow sex while others get off on fucking hard and deep. The important thing is you’re both on the same page and enjoy having a good fuck.

A lot of people enjoy having their ass filled up with a hot cock or dildo. It’s up to you how you want to be fucked. You or the person you’re fucking might like to be given a seeing-to lying on your stomach, biting a pillow, or the receiver might prefer to take command and give the cock or dildo a good riding. Listen to your body; ass fucking shouldn’t hurt. If you’re receiving, avoid drug or alcohol intoxication. This can impair your ability to tell if something’s wrong and therefore increase the risk of damage. The same applies to anesthetizing creams and lubricants.

Different positions produce different effects and different kinds of pleasure, and there are all sorts to choose from. Choose your position according to what you want to achieve. If you’re the giver and like fucking long and hard, it’s probably best to choose a position that allows you to use the force you want without tiring too quickly. It’s often impossible to keep advanced, good-looking positions up for more than a few minutes. If one of you is a first-timer or a beginner, it may be worth letting that person’s needs come first. Feel your way. Sideways screwing might be the easiest approach. Or try lying on your back with a pillow under your butt, doggy style, face to face…

The sex might be easier and more enjoyable if the rectum is empty. You could simply go to the toilet before sex, but you can also flush the rectum out beforehand. However, if you do this too often it can affect the bacteria balance and increase the risk of transmitting HIV and STIs. For this reason, it’s particularly important to use a condom and plenty of lubrication if the rectum has been flushed. It’s not the end of the world if there’s a little bit of pooh up there.

If you want to flush, be careful if doing so directly from a tap or shower hose, as it’s hard to keep an eye on how much water the body is carrying. Instead, ideally use a small container where you can decide the amount of water yourself. Also watch out for sharp edges, as the inside of the ass is very sensitive. Flushing the rectum increases the risk of passing on HIV and STIs, so always use a condom and lubrication!

Using a condom for penetration sex is one way of showing consideration, and it’s also the safest way of preventing HIV transmission. Make sure you have condoms and lubricant handy so you don’t have to get out of bed or the shower when things get steamy. We recommend using a condom even if two or more people with HIV are fucking, as re-infection can complicate medication. Also, there are other sexual transferred infections than HIV.

One size fits all? Not really. Cocks and condoms come in all shapes and sizes, and a condom that fits enhances the pleasure. Find a condom that fits your favorite dick. There’s often only a limited choice in regular stores, so check online or in specialist stores if you need a smaller or larger condom.

Cocks, pussies, asses, hands, mouths and sex toys can all pass on sexually transmitted infections. Condoms provide effective protection against most STIs, whether you’re using a real or a synthetic dick. Get tested regularly, STIs don’t always show symptoms. It’s important to tell the doctor or nurse how you’ve been having sex as it affects the testing process. STIs can occur in the mouth, on the cock, or in the ass or pussy.

Do you like to take or give a bit extra on occasion? A hand inside the pussy can be a wonderful experience, something delightful and out of the ordinary. Apart from the actual feeling of being filled up, a hand can do wonders in terms of pressure and movement along the walls of the vagina. Safe, pleasurable fisting is based on calm, responsibility and awareness both in the person or persons giving and the one receiving. Fisting often gets better and more enjoyable with experience.

With fisting it is extra important to listen to and read your own and the other person’s body, and to respect your own and other people’s boundaries. Try to ‘read’ each other using e.g. words, moans, breathing and body language. Make sure you both have plenty of time to relax and get horny together, so you can then start getting the pussy used to bigger and bigger things. Some people can get pretty much a whole hand in on the first try, while others will have to take their time and be patient. A good start is a good lick and then some fingering. You can start with one finger and gradually insert more, and maybe even fuck with a cock or a dildo. Remember to stimulate the clit from the outside as well to make it nicer before, during and after the fisting. Try to make your hand as thin as possible, and insert it as far as feels good – remember it’s not a competition. If it hurts or feels unpleasant, slow things down or even stop.

Large areas of the inner parts of the clitoris are reached from inside the pussy, and the stretching feeling a woman gets from fisting can make the whole experience particularly pleasurable. Once inside the pussy, it may therefore be nice to move and press along the vaginal walls, for instance by rotating your hand. Some women find small, light movements best, while others like bigger movements and a rougher approach. Why not try clenching your fist carefully inside the pussy to make it feel a bit different? Pussies only go in so far, and many women don’t like the feeling of a hand knocking the cervix, so focus on movements and pressure along the pussy walls rather than getting your hand in as deep as possible. Some women like getting anal stimulation during fisting, or alternating between the two. If so, try to avoid getting bacteria from the anus into the pussy.

To make fisting safer and more pleasurable, it’s vital to use plenty of water or silicon-based lubrication. Some people find it enough to just use the pussy’s own juice, while others prefer to use extra lube. Latex or plastic gloves can also lower the resistance, and also reduce the risk of transmitting HIV, hepatitis B and hepatitis C, which in rare cases can be passed both ways via wounds inside the pussy or on the hand. The tissue inside the pussy is relatively thin and fragile, even though it is slightly tougher than the tissue in the anus, for example. To reduce the risk of injury, it’s vital that the giver has short, well-filed nails and removes any rings and other jewelry that may scratch and tear.

Take care of yourself and your fisting buddies!

It can be nice when someone gets down to business immediately and starts licking or rubbing the pussy straight away. Alternatively, you could make the person you’re licking long for your tongue to reach her clit. Stroke and lick over the entire body, and if the person you’re with enjoys it you can even use your teeth and bite a bit. Try to sense whether the person likes gentle stroking or a harder approach, or a bit of variation. Stroke, lick and bite the whole body, occasionally wandering down towards the inner thighs. Breathe on the pussy every now and again. Drive the person you’re going to give head so wild with desire that they beg you to go down. Then, stop briefly on the clit with your tongue, and then wander off to other parts again. Eventually you can suck the whole pussy into your mouth and start giving a real good licking.

One tip is to vary the way you give head. This could involve trying different positions. The type of pleasure a person gets from being licked can differ depending on the position. For example you could lick pussy with the receiver facing up, or the person could be on all fours and you go in from behind. One could even sit on your face and ride your mouth that way round. You can both lick each other in different positions, such as a 69 with one on top of the other. If there are more than two of you, you can give head in a circle, or one licks another while the third person strokes, licks or fucks the person doing the licking.

Ideally vary the tempo when you’re giving head, and lick sometimes with a soft, light tongue, and other times with a hard, pointed tongue. You can also use your  lips in different ways. You can also vary things by changing the focus area between, say, the inner and outer labia, the area around the pussy and the clitoris. Or why not carry on down toward the perineum and asshole and do a bit of rimming?

One important thing to remember when eating pussy is that clit sensitivity varies from person to person. Some like it rough, while others need only a feather-light touch to get turned on. However, one tip is to be gentle with the glans clitoris (the nub or button), which most women find sensitive to direct contact. One tip is to hold the clit hood between your tongue/lips and the glans when licking pussy. That way you can use the tongue and lips to move the hood over the glans which many women find a real turn-on. Some people like somewhat harsher contact directly on the glans clitoris with the tongue; feel your way.

When it comes to hair, smell and taste, different people like different things. Some go wild for a nice hairy pussy, while others prefer a smooth one. Some also like the smell and taste of pussy, while others prefer to use lubricants with different tastes and smells when they’re giving cunnilingus.

Where you look when you’re licking a pussy out can vary the sensation, for both of you. Looking up and focusing on the face lets you see how much she’s enjoying what you’re doing. Seeing how the receiver’s body is reacting to what you’re doing can also enhance the horniness of the giver.

There are also lots of other things you can do with the pussy while you’re licking it out. You can stroke around the opening, or slip one or more fingers inside and finger-fuck it. You can fist the pussy while you’re licking it, or fuck both the cunt and ass with your fingers. You can also fuck the pussy and/or ass with dildos or vibrators. Find out what turns the other person on, have the courage to ask if you can fuck them in different ways. Remember that lube might be a good idea if you’re fucking someone’s ass, and lube is also nice or even necessary if you’re fucking a pussy with your fingers or fist. It’s a good idea to use condoms if you’re both using the same dildo.

RFSL Stockholm is Stockholm’s local branch of RFSL, The Swedish Federation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights. We have many activities run by and for Stockholm’s LGBT community, and you can read more about these on our website. We also work with education and youth-oriented activities.

Sexperterna.com is a website aimed at the LGBT community in Stockholm. Our goal is to offer a positive website about sex, safer sex and enjoyment which encourages and gives information about safer sex and testing. RFSL Stockholm is responsible the site. If you have any feedback, please contact us using the contact form. This website has been developed in partnership with our favorite advertising agency, Kramgo.

Fact checked

All facts about safer sex, HIV, sexually transmitted infections and testing have been checked by Venhälsan.